if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
that's an acceptable place to lick
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
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