At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm always down for nudity.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
