Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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