I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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