And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
