then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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