Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
false alarm, still single
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
