I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
