we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
