apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
As shirtless as possible
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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