90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
