I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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