I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
