I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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