Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
