i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
