Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
