Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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