im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Randomize
