arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
