btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
