Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
