My Higher Power is John Stamos
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
