I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Dick very happy bro
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize