I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
