You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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