i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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