Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
