I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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