i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
