Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize