You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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