Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
