Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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