I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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