What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
