Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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