Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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