the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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