she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
