I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
