K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We have so much sex to catch up on
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
