after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
