So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
