The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
