i think my tv is drunk
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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