Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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