what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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