do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
