he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I need moral support for this bender
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
