im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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