I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
