U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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