Already got asked if we're dating
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
