You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize