yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
