I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
