Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
