he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
