return my video game
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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