you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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